There are hundreds of emotions a parent goes through in a baby's first year, from the small achievements to the big headaches. We survived the pre and post labour pains, the thrill of holding our baby for the first time, the anguish of breastfeeding, the tenderness of the first smiles, the sleepless nights and the endless days, the first fever and the first word. We survived so many things that, after the baby's first year, we fell like we are pros and look to a new mother with condescending eyes as if we were saying "Once I was as inexperienced and scared as you, but now I'm ready for everything", right?
WRONG!
No first year, no matter how challenging it was (even for mothers of multiples), can prepare us to the next phase: the independence phase. No first time will be as emotional as the first time we see our tiny baby taking his first steps. The assuredness that he puts on those steps causes a mix of emotions that go from panic to pride, from joy to disbelief. And when we finally can breathe again and get our pulse back we state that our baby, that small and fragile precious little thing who needed our help all the time, became an independent being who can go anywhere he wants, play with anything he can reach and run towards his freedom with his smiley wide open eyes.
We are then left to realize what walking with our heart in our hands really means while we chase each and every step he takes begging all Gods that he wont fall, won't hit his head, wont hurt himself at every tumble.
I now know that I won't be able to put my heart back in my chest ever again, for today he walks but soon he'll run and jump and climb a tree. Then he will roller stake and ride a bike and drive a car and catch a ride from friends I never heard about. I know now that I will never have a minute of peace because my baby belongs to the World and he will explore it his way ignoring my advice. And I also know that from now on I will hear my mother's voice in my head; the voice I pretended I wasn't listening to when I was a kid; the voice that now comes out of my mouth saying: watch out, don't do that, mind the step, don't run, you'll fall, you'll break a bone, stop it, I told you so, stay still, give me your hand.
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