Dear husband,
Now that another school year began, I thought of writing you this letter to ensure that our days start the best way possible, and we can manage to remain married until the next Summer vacations.
I know you’re inexperienced in this parenting thing. After all, we “only” have two kids, but let me tell you one thing: mornings don’t have to be complicated. Seriously. And the difference between starting the day shouting and stressing out or smiling lies in 6 simple steps that you must memorize instead of asking me hundreds of times how can you help. Deal? So, here it goes.
Step 1: Wake them up
On most days, they wake up by themselves. And early. I don’t even remember the last time I heard the alarm clock because invariably one of them wakes up before it goes off. But in case they’re still sleeping by the time they were supposed to be having breakfast, the routine is basic: open the shades, let the light come in through the window, speak in a low tone and give them 5 minutes of cuddling. More than 5 minutes is pushing your luck, so you'd better move on to the next step. Seriously. Don’t let them manipulate you with their angel faces, begging to stay in bed a little longer. Otherwise, I’ll need to intervene and become Mumzilla.
Step 2: Dress them up
I choose the clothes, the shoes, the princess hair clips. All you have the do is prevent them putting the underwear inside out or the left shoe on the right foot since from a certain age (more or less around 2) they like to do everything by themselves and only need some guidance.
Step 3: Feed them
They already speak and now exactly what they want. All you have to do is ask them what they want to have for breakfast! Simple, right? In case they’re undecided, you can provide some suggestions, for example, “Juice and toast?”, “Yoghurt and cereal?”. I’m aware that, in general, Mummy is the one who must make breakfast, because she’s the one who knows the right amount of Cheerios, the ideal portion of butter, the correct way to remove the bread edges, etc. But if you can’t help in this task, there are other ways to help. For example, embracing the next steps.
Step 4: Hygiene them
Before leaving home, it’s mandatory to pee, wash the face, hands and teeth. It’s not an exclusive of kids. It’s standard practice for the human race.
Step 5: Check school bag and others
All you have to do is open the zipper, look inside and see if all the books, hats, and favourite toys are inside. It’s an important step to avoid dramas and needing to return home three times when we’re already late. The “others” is all about making sure (yes, with me) if any of them is on medication, needs to put drops in the nose or if there is something different that needs to go to school on that day.
Step 6: Kick them out
This is an easy step: they just need to dress the coats and be thrown in the elevator, keeping in mind that one of us has to be there with them. Preferably dressed and with our shoes on. It might sound obvious, but sometimes you miss the obvious.
That’s it! Our hygiene, nutrition, and clothing are all secondary. It’s something we need to learn to do by turns and in record time.
Yes, I know it’s tough. Yes, I also remember (although with increasing difficulty) how our mornings used to be half a decade ago. You’re not the only one who misses it. Times when I did my morning jogging, showered without having a tiny human opening the shower curtain to ask crucial questions such as “is it Tuesday, Mommy?”, and had the luxury of eating breakfast on the couch while watching the news!
Those times are gone. Not forever. In some years they’ll know how to do everything on their own and will love sleeping to the point when a loud alarm clock will be needed to get out of bed. Until then, please stop asking me every single day what needs to be done, as if every morning was different. It’s not. The routine is always the same. You just need to be aware of these 6 simple steps and understand in which one we are when you finish your morning shower.
From your wife, who loves you very much, although it may not look like before noon.
(sign and leave in noticeable location)
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